It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.

road

I’ve been asked a few times by my non-runner friends what the hell I think about when I run. I suppose the idea of nothing but the road and your head for an hour and sometimes 2 hours can seem like maybe a bit too much for some. But for me- I crave it. My brother sent me this quote the other day saying that it reminded him of me- “It’s a treat being a runner, out in the world by yourself with not a soul to make you bad-tempered or tell you what to do.” I am sure there is a joke or two in there but for me it is really true. It’s MY time. My time to think, to dream and to just experience nothing for a bit. I don’t think my mind has ever been more clear or focused over this last 6 months. So just what the hell do I think about!??!  Sometimes I get caught up in thinking about the past. I think about all the things that have brought me to this moment. The good, the bad- and sometimes I even feel like for the first time I am letting it all go. I am able to come to terms with some things I wish had worked out differently. There are some moments where I just exhale and thank God for all the blessings in my life. The things he has brought me through and the life he brought me to. Sometimes I will envision the things I want in my future, the people I want around me, the things I want to accomplish and how incredible it will feel. And I smile knowing that I can make it all happen.  I think of the people in my life- past and present that I wish could feel this incredible gift.  The ones that I wish loved themselves as much as I love them. I say a prayer that they will someday find their passion, their happy and finally be at peace.  I think about the places I want to travel, the people I hope I meet along the way- the experiences that await me. I think of all the good things I hope come into Caden’s life as he gets older. I say a prayer that he can find his way a little easier than I did. I envision all the incredible things he will accomplish. I think about the people in my life that have passed away and sometimes I even feel them with me.  And I’ll admit it sometimes I start thinking- what the hell am I doing? Oh yeah- right foot, left foot- F*** my hip hurts. Am I limping? What the hell is with my stride today? Shit, I forgot to go to the store. What am I cooking for dinner?!? But I try to snap myself back out of it and remember that these moments are MY moments. Everything else can wait, it will be there when I get back- that I am sure of. Until then- just smile, dream- and breathe. Right foot, left foot……..

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